so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Still dying that you shit outside
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize