Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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