she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
