Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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