I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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