at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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