She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize