Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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