But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
