you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
they're like a gay fantastic four
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
