They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
