I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
