I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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