so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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