it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
