Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize