I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
