I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
