so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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