Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
