I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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