I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
