just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Randomize
