Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think I am morally bankrupt
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
