dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
whose ass print is on the piano?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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