the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
