You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
