i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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