Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
