I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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