Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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