I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Fuck appropriateness.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
