All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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