i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
