she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
