The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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