the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
