It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i dont even know how to be here
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
