margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize