there's paper in my vomit.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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