Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
