dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
