My Higher Power is John Stamos
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
someone owes me an orgasm
operation have a gay friend backfired
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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