dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
