Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
