In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
