your room smells of hookers.
And success
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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