Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
