This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
