Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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