just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
