i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize