If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
