I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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