i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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