how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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