guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
