Screwed.edu
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
