Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
