I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
