So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
