remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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