Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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