Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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