You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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