You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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