she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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