I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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