If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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