Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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