i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
