fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize