OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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