Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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