Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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