Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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