apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
