we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize