i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
