That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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