If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
