so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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