I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
