pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
