Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
