He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
