Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
