can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
